Tuesday

I did okay yesterday, only slightly over my calorie allowance. I almost drank 8 glasses of water, that is really hard to do some days, isn't it? And I did get a walk in as well. It might be considered a stroll, but I was still moving.

Considering taking a belly dancing class. It might be fun and good exercise as well. Just considering it for now. I will get more exercise in today, even if it is just a longer walk tonight with the dog.

SparkPeople is very helpful, it keeps me honest and on track.

Weight This morning: 231.4

Yep, pretty much back where I started.

Monday

After the first day of SparkPeople and tracking my food intake and water intake, the results are in. I did not get enough water, (shy about 3 glasses) and My calories exceeds my limit. Aha..... Accountability is Reality. Time to face it....Again!

So, today I will do the same. Track water and food and try to get more water in and less food in. It is the snacking that has done me in. I eat a bunch of crap ( mostly sweets) in the evening and you just can't do that and lose weight. I know that...but it did not stop me.

Off to start my day!

Decisions, Decisions

I have thought long and hard about the Medifast option and to tell you the truth I have decided against it. I think...well I know it would be a big strain on the budget and now is not the time for that. I appreciate all the responses to my request for info on Medifast and what to do...one particular response got me to thinking... it was from Georgia Mist at Gathering my Roses

and here is her response.

"I don't believe that ANY "diet" works. These are VERY temporary 'fixies' that don't teach you anything. You have to learn to eat in the real world. Try www.sparkpeople.com -- I've lost 31 pounds there so far -- since April and 62 pounds since January. Not dieting -- eating real food each day. It can be done. Please, try Spark People -- it's free and there is no obligation or fee. What it does ask is that you eat a balanced, moderate food plan. And we ALL can do that! However, if you do choose Medifast I wish you the best"

Diets are temporary fixes.. I do agree with that. But when you are overweight or just plain fat you want instant results. It seems that the instant results are not long lasting. I know this from experience, but it does not keep me from wanting a quick fix to a very old problem.

So, I am forgoing the Medifast option for right not. I signed up with Spark people and and have logged my food intake for today AND my exercise. I did get out and walk twice today and that has not happened for a long, long time.

One day at a time. Thanks Georgia Mist for your encouragement to try Spark People.

Back to starting weight. 231.00 Oh Lordy!!!!! I need a new set point!!

Medifast questions

My mind is always going. So many thoughts so little time! I was considering the Medifast diet. My annual physical was this week and all is well except......for my weight. I have no other health issues except for the extra weight. My doc suggests every year that I lose a hundred pounds, and I tell him I will try. And I do try......and then I don't. I get bored with dieting.

So he has suggested in the past that I try Medifast, and I have declined. Have any of you guys tried it? What did think about the program? When the reps called me they told me all the positive aspects... but did not mention any failures.

So... please let me know about your experiences with Medifast. I am considering it.

Hubs is still unemployed, and unemployment will be ending soon. So I am looking for another job (part time). I have interviewed at a local hospital for a midnight shift on Saturdays. Every Saturday! It is good money and I am hoping to get the job.

I am also looking for a part time teaching position since education is what my soon to be completed degree will be in. Hoping to graduate in June. 8 more credit hours....

Oh yeah.... my doctor said if you lose the weight you will live longer. Now that is a thought that continues to run around in your head.

Stepping on the scale

.... is not easy. I did buy a new scale months ago. I thought it would encourage me and keep me going. It is a pretty scale and the numbers are very large and easy to read. Lately, I have just walked past the scale. Not wanting to step on and SEE the truth. I already KNOW the truth.

Okay... I did step on the scale and it was kind.

225.2.

Moving in the right direction....:)

Thanks for your support!

So.... Maybe I Did Give Up

The last post was September 1. That should tell you something. I boldly professed that I was not giving up and blah, blah.......well......I did give up. I fell out of the groove. I did not care. Screw it! Yep.... pretty much I fell back into my commfortable, but baaaadddddd habits.

I am okay... stress triggered the relapse. Prayer saved me. Things or habits will have to change again.... soon. Very soon.

Hello 226.2 lbs.

Getting Back in The Groove

Briefly, I just wanted to let it be known that I have not given up on weight loss or blogging. Previous posts have documented my recent struggle with my emotions and my weight. I will go into more detail about the emotional part later on, but the scale was calling my name today. I felt brave enough to step up and step on the scale and face the music so to speak.

225.4. Oh.. well. It it what it is and I am okay with it. I am working on getting back in the game... and start moving the scale in the decreasing direction!

Not for Nothing...

It is a time of personal struggle. I know... that you all know that I am at a basic standstill with my weight loss. I have been reflecting on why the big screeching brakes have stopped the progress. Certainly it is a situation that I can control, but chose not to at this time. Self destructive?? Maybe. Tired of Trying to lose weight? Yes. Repeating a lifelong cycle?? Definitely.

Looking at pictures of myself, I know I am at the wrong weight. But does my body know that? It or I seem to have this set point of around 220 something. (I know... It is me...but I can blame my body, right?)

On the outside, I am putting on a happy face. Inside.... not so happy. Hubs is still unemployed and is receiving unemployment. For now. But... it has been a a year since he lost his job. He has been content staying home, finishing up some home improvement projects that needed tending to.... and starting some other projects. Actually... some of the original projects are still not yet finished. What is up with that??!

There is a communication issue here. I want to ask..." What the hell is going on?" but I don't. I wait... and pray. He is putting his faith in the Lord .... so I guess I should too. I think I would be a lot happier if he was working and not incurring a large credit card debt. It is driving me crazy!!!

I am internalizing this anger and resentment and lack of communication, and it is reflected in my diet. I turn to food, sweets... canned icing... for solace. Oh.... did I mention... I am now having a glass of wine before bed...so I can sleep. I don't drink... at least not in my past. My parents had drinking issues... so I was never interested in drinking. Now.... I like the taste and.... effect.

So... I have busy mind. Always in motion.... constant thinking. It is exhausting. My thoughts... are carried over into my dreams. Do any of you have VIVID dreams??? I do, my son and my daughter do too. They will repeat often and are exhausting. The dreams are sometimes....deja vue moments... Like I have already been there and seen it before.


This is a rambling post. Thanks for listening....or reading. I will be fine... I am just at a difficult place emotionally...But this too shall pass.

Oh yea. ... I still want to lose weight. It is just on the back burner. :)

Not Back On Track Yet

The journey of weight loss is filled with obstacles, both physical and emotional. I know that and have known that for many years. I sometimes hide behind the emotional obstacles, (pity party,etc) and I know that in time I will get past this little setback.

So right now, I am just going with it. Kinda riding it out and will relish the time when I am in control of my emotional eating. I am not fighting it, as this will make me hide what I am actually eating. so, I am out there, eating and going with the flow.

I am hoping and praying that next week will be a better one for you all and for me.

I Hate When This Happens!!!

I am not giving up. I am not giving up. Really... I am not giving up! I am at a place where complacency is taking over. " I seem to "think' more about weight loss than actually "lose" any weight. I have not posted lately because I am lax in my journey for weight loss. Lax is another word for lazy.

I am not holding myself accountable for the food that enters my mouth. I just eat it. Plain and simple. There are no events that have propelled me to eating... usually that is the case. Family drama and or work drama... stress will start me on the downhill slide. But that is not the case this time. I can't even blame the complacency on anything but me.

So, I am at a standstill....... for now. I am rethinking my strategy and slowly getting back on track.....

It is way more difficult to post when you are not losing weight... I mean who wants to post that they are gaining AND that they are sabotaging themselves with frigging laziness and complacency...

So... there you go. This is where I am at right now. I am a little miffed at me.... for backsliding. But... I have learned not to be a prisoner of the past. Today is a new day... I am looking forward to it.

Weigh in... 221 lbs. Sucks!!!!

A Day Late

Yep, I still have scale anxiety. I was supposed to weigh in yesterday, but.........well, I didn't. You know how it goes, you avoid the daily weigh ins because it is easier to not face the music, just to "pretend" you are dieting. You run the calorie totals in your head and some calories you forget, but at the end of the day, you know deep down inside that you really need to get back on track. Soon. Very Soon.

So, accountability raised it responsible head this morning. The scale was there in all her glory, new, shiny and really big digital numbers. Waiting.

I stared at the scale, and silently prayed that I did not screw things up too badly.

I stepped on and waited. Waited for the total to flash three times. Blink, Blink,Blink.

I stared and was relieved. 218.0. Not a loss, but only a small fractional gain of about .6 lbs.

Relief. And a prayer of thanks.

Good Morning!

I have not been posting on a regular basis. The reason for that is I am struggling with staying on track. My eating plan starts out with good intentions and then.....whoosh..... it turns into a not so good eating plan. Would you call that self sabotage?? Well, whatever you call it, I am in the middle of it.

I have been thinking about why I am doing the self sabotage thingy... you know... there always has to be a reason. But, really there is no one reason, maybe several small ones. For instance... weight loss challenges. In theory, they sound really, really good. Most individuals do very well at them. Me, not so much. My competitive nature will drive me to do anything necessary to "win" and that process leads to failure.

I am participating in a weight loss challenge at work and online. At first, they both sounded like a good idea. But, looking back, I was just setting myself up for disaster. So, after the weigh in at work this week, I will not be participating in any more challenges at work. Funny thing is... that the at work weight loss challenge was my idea.

These are my thoughts today. I will weigh in tomorrow and post the results. I have not stepped on the scale all week, which is never good, (no accountability to myself). There might be a gain, (my scrup uniforms are a little tighter) or their might not be.... either way, I am going to get back on track and remain challenge free for the remainder of my weight loss journey.

Monday Weigh In

So... after much ado... I stepped on the brand new scale and I am at 217.4 lbs. Not too bad for vacation of one week and one week of blowing off the diet. Actually my weight has not changed much at all. Whew..... that is a relief.

I was worried that I did gain... but am so glad that I did not. So... Same-o, Same-o!

Now.. need to get remotivated and get back on track. Would like to below 200 lbs. Would like to live in "one-der-land. Attention to food intake and try to get more exercise in. This is going to be a better week.

Devil's Tower

We drove up from Cheyenne to Northern Wyoming.. to see Devils Tower. Devils Tower is outside of Sundance Wyoming.

While walking around the tower.... Hubs and I decided to climb to the base of the tower. Well.. he went first... and well... I just could not at least try. So... that is me..... tiny me at the base of Devil's Tower. Hubs did not take a zoom pic.... but I was there. It was me. I climbed up to the base... with my purse in hand. Obviously I can't go anywhere with out it. And I trust no one with it.:) So... firmly grasped in my left hand... is my purse. A proud moment.

Such a pretty place. The weather was beautiful and the park was not busy at all!! The total distance around the tower is 1.3 miles. What they do not tell you is that there is elevations to the walk around the tower. Lots of exercise here!

What is Wyoming without a few cute prairie dogs. Right before you parked at the Tower, there is a prairie dog town. Such cuties...:)